They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
