I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
