I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
