Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
