Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
