apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
