My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
