After last night, I could never be a politician.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize