I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
