We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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