so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
