He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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