A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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