I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
