Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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