She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
