its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
