Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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