Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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