did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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