You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Randomize
