you would pick up someone in the library
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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