My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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