....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just puked most of my soul out..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
