Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
