i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
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