WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
