am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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