Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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