Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
