I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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