I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize