Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
