I wanna passion pit in your ass
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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