I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
