The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
