I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
