Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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