Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's the barista slut.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
