Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
