hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
