so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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