Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
nutella sex= disaster
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
