Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
