Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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