Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
