everyone is single if you try hard enough
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize