I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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