I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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