Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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