He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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