I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
