Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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