benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
