I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
