Im at strip club and am horny
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
