so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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