The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
