What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
