The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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