oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
