I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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