He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
