Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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