I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
