Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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