guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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