My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
