It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
